With another family Christmas behind us, I have been thinking a lot about the “home is where the heart is” phrase. It sometimes doesn’t feel totally accurate or complete to me. It doesn’t take into account that “home” often includes the people that drive you the most crazy, or cause you the most frustration. It does not mention the different personalities that can create tension when all together for extended periods of time.
We look forward to Christmas every year, because it is the time, in our family, when most of us are together at the same time. This is no easy task, given how many different cities and states we all now live in. The excitement and expectation build and we can hardly wait to be together.
Then, we all get together and in spite of everyone’s best intentions, some sort of episode inevitably occurs. Most often it starts over something small, then turns into something big, complete with eye rolling, sighing, yelling and a lot of crying. Why this happens is hard to say. It can’t be blamed on our childhoods, we enjoyed a safe, happy home, with loving parents. Maybe the why doesn’t really matter.
So, if we know how it will turn out, why do we continue to do it? It comes back to the “home is where the heart is”. This group of people, with their opinions and accompanying drama, occupy the biggest part of my heart. I’ve known them the longest, have lived with them and belong to them. I carry pieces of them with me, without even having to think about it. I think of Heidi whenever I am not brave enough to do something, because I admire (and envy) her boldness. I can’t see “Billy Madison” without thinking of Christie. Jenny’s independence and drive inspires me. Troy’s kindness and patience comforts me, Eric’s dry wit makes me laugh out loud and Vic’s relationship with the children moves me. Mom has the ability to make everyone feel loved, welcome, supported and wanted, no matter how tired she is. Dad’s intelligence and unconditional love humble me.
Since we aren’t together very often, these are the things I dwell on about my family. The tense, dramatic moments fade into the background when I’m away from my family and I just pack up all of these things and carry them around with me.
I know it’s been said that “your family only loves you because they have to”. Maybe not totally accurate, but maybe it’s also not such a bad thing. Maybe there’s some safety in this. That in a scary, unpredictable world, how your family feels about you at the end of the day stays the same. This is why we can be our real selves (which sometimes includes some not-so-desirable behavior), and know that we are always loved and wanted.
Yes, these are the people that drive us the most crazy, push all of the right buttons to start a fight. But these are also the same people that you call when you’re having a new baby, getting a promotion, or buying a house. They are also the people you call first when you feel like you’re the worst mother in the world, when your baby is sick, when you’ve had an accident and so on and so on.
This is why I come back. These places, people and memories make up the best of me. They are my home. And my heart wants to be with them. So maybe the phrase is ok as it is…”home is where the heart is”.
After 134 days, Ryan is finally home! You can't see it in this picture, but the girls made Ryan a really fun sign welcoming him home. We were able to go to the gate to get him, which was really fun. All the way to the airport, Faith kept asking if I was sure Daddy was on the plane to come home, and Grace wanted to know how many planes he had been on. Faith was alarmed when we got to the aiport, thinking we were leaving on a plane and would miss Ryan. We felt very supported and encouraged when we saw that many members of his Department at the hospital came to greet him. 
